Saturday, February 25, 2017

Ten Terribly Tiny Tales (Oscars 2017 Special)

Just like the Bollywood moms,
She could sense her son's arrival,
But she wasn't the only one,
The lamp at the next door neighbours' flickered,
Their daughter knew as well.

Fantastic beasts and where to find them
Pangolins, wild boars and giant lizards cohabited with humans,
"But, how? It's such a populated city", the foreigner exclaimed.
"Indeed it is", said the local guide,
As she showed around to people fantastic beasts and where to find them.

Train on the track, electrical fences,
A heartless poacher, his hunt commences,
So many elephant deaths, the situation tenses.

Hell or high water
Numbers were never his forte,
He was more interested in chemistry,
Come hell or high water,
He would win the maths teacher's heart.

Hidden Figures
Her back felt heavy,
And the weighing scale showed a tremendously high value,
The mirror told a different story,
Those hidden figures, only visible through reflection,
Perched on each shoulder, smiled back.

La La Land
In Sikkim, they used to say, "La La" when they meant "OK",
In Singapore they convince me about things saying,
"I wasn't late, my watch was slow la!" or
"You don't look fat, just eat la!"
It's fate to be dwelling in La La Lands for me.

The wife took 'pride' in the fact that
Her husband's 'mane' goal was to help people in danger,
He was just a regular guy, a life guard,
But, for her, he was a king, as brave as a lion.

They met at a food fair,
She in her mid 40s and he in his early 20s,
United by the same passion,
Loving knew no boundaries, neither of age nor cuisine!

"Conspiracy theories are for losers", said his friends,
When he told them what he thought he was.
On a lonely night, when he stepped out under the moonlight,
He felt his body change, and heard himself howl.

One was late for his namaaz,
One held on to his cross, as the vehicle swerved,
One was lost in thoughts as to what she'll wear for the Puja,
A shared taxi cab, all of them were passengers.

Monday, February 20, 2017

How the relation between me and sports is a comedy of errors! (I don't care, I love it)

I've been a water baby since I was a child. Even won a pizza once for coming third out of five people in a school swimming competition! However, I've been a "beginner" since as long as I can remember. My swimming expert friend once gave me 1 out of 5 for swimming. The swimming instructor at the university told me, "How will you teach others if you yourself are swimming like you're trying to cross the ocean?" while tutoring a newbie friend. I can't maintain backstrokes and can hardly displace myself doing it froggy style. That said, I simply love swimming. In the rare occasions when I manage to overcome sloth, as soon as I enter the water I realize how much I have been missing and how often I should exercise this.

Yoga, originally from India, is being practiced all over the world now and is extremely popular among people who have been seeking to find balance in their life. Alas, that isn't the case for me. The instructor tells me, "Your brain is very restless, that is why you cannot balance your body.", when I struggle to keep one leg above the ground and both hands up in the air, or "Your breathing is very fast, your shoulders are very tight." You see, for the past few months I have had my first set of yoga experiences and sometimes it makes me more agitated than peaceful. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm bad at it. :P Despite all my flaws, I feel more flexible than ever (I can almost touch my toes now, at least!). Hopefully, the "beginner" phase for yoga will not last as long as for swimming.

The cycle I bought last year was a feeble attempt to resurrect my previously excellent and long lost slim body. But at a friend's insistence (Why blame the friend, it was me who wanted the cheapest one!), I bought the cheapest possible bicycle (and also learned how to pronounce "bicycle" right). The logic of getting an inexpensive one was that I was rarely going to use it. But the quality of it turned out to be so lousy that I almost NEVER used it. I can safely say that the amount of calories burnt fixing the troubles it gave me were significantly larger than the calories burnt riding it. I remember I had this AMBITIOUS plan to cycle to work once (not too much, 11 km, but with a lot of elevations and construction along the way). I realized as soon as I began that there's no air in my tire and couldn't go more than 2 km. I parked it at the nearest bus station and took a bus to work instead.

With kickboxing aerobics (that's what I've named it), I get confused if the instructor makes us do multiple moves consecutively and just stand and watch others. With badminton, I blame the wind and go for a walk or dinner instead. With basketball, I have a deflated one in my cabinet just sitting there. With kayaking, I lie down the kayak and meditate instead of rowing. I tried ice skating and I fell down several times, bled and was LITERALLY scarred, and that scar will never fade away. With climbing steps, mere 48 steps get me breathless. I tell everyone that I have "borderline asthma" if they suggest running. When I used to do Pilates, I used to take it VERY PERSONALLY when the instructor said in her singsong voice, "For people who can't do this, there's an easier option".

I hope whoever is reading this considers my anecdotes as an inspiration to try out everything and have fun doing so! Whether you're going to perfect it or not, you don't know yet! But if your motive is to stay fit, or even to just pass time, get going! Ending it on a Coldplay song lyric, "If you never try, you'll never know, just what you're worth."